Yup, that's me.
Lately I've been thinking about my mommy face. It's not looking so great these days. A little pinched and haggard. I don't really think I feel that way, but I sure do sound that way.
You know when you leave the hospital then they give you 489 pages of discharge instructions? All of them so very helpful, but there are a few things they left out.
They never mentioned what you do when you've had no sleep and you're close to exhaustion.
They never said how you are supposed to make a child chew the food they have stored in their cheek.
What about when you are "that person" in the grocery store with the screaming child?
To teach them values and rules that are no longer popular in this world.
How to start the potty training journey.
What to do when you find them fishing in the unflushed commode?
The answers to where is God, heaven and how do you get babies in your tummy?
What to do when you are seized with an uncontrollable fear of your child getting sick or dying and sobbing in the shower where no one can hear you?
There were no answers to these questions in my discharge papers.
I'm learning them as I go.
I'm learning that being a good mom means to show them not just with words what it means to serve the Lord.
To ignore the stack of dirty dishes and laundry and jump in the pool with them instead.
To think about every word that comes out my mouth because it sounds so much different coming out of my 4 year old sons mouth.
To discipline without anger. To show them the same forgiveness and love that God shows me when I am corrected.
To lay down with them every night, read them a book, pray with them and always tell them I love them.
To love their father with all my heart.
At the end of the road if all I taught them was to love the Lord with all their heart, soul and mind then I will be satisfied. All my belongings will one day be dust, but my children will be with me in eternity if they make that choice.
That is what I'm learning.
So you wonder why I am Sybil?
Because I feel like so many different "me's" exist inside, the crafty creator, the liberated woman, the submissive woman, the loving mother, the angry mother, the good friend, the hermit crab, the dreamer, the realist.... the list goes on but at the end of the day I ask myself...
Who did I let show?
Nah, I'm really not crazy. Just honest.
15 comments:
I wish just one someone would have been honest with me, so I wouldn't have had to find out all that stuff on my own...it would have helped to have a little heads-up, don't you think?
I remember all those conflicting feelings. From pure joy watching your newborn sleep, to exhaustion and all the fears that come with Motherhood. Sounds like you have your priorities straight - I'm sure your home will be blessed because of it!
I think this is my most favorite post in all of Blogland! We all have these feelings and you summed them up beautifully. I especially love the line "all of my belongings will one day be dust, but my children will be with me in eternity..." I think I need that tattooed on the back on my hand. I can just imagine sitting around in Heaven with my kids and having them tease me about the times I scolded them for jumping on the couch or breaking something. How much would it really matter then?
I remember those days..wait, some days are still like that! Like when your 3 year old is up at midnight crying because her teeth hurt, and you are so tired and crabby feeling because you want to go to sleep and there is nothing you can do for her. Well, I will say this, maybe its time to call your mom in law and see if she's willing to babysit so you can get a good sleep! When we are rested, it really helps with all the mommy blues, and fears, and questions. I appreciate what you shared today, you summed it up well. Oh, and no, you are definitely not alone!
Jill, thank you for being so honest. Our individual relationship with the Lord will make us into the woman that is the wife, mother, virtuous woman and all that glorifies our Saviour. Our journeys are all a little different and sometimes we find ourselves on a path we didn't even know was there in the beginning, but with Him at our side, we get through. Remember that it is the hormones and exhaustion that speaks sometimes and that our kids won't even remember these days, but we will, if we learn from them. Thanks again.
Jill, I see you doing all of those things and I am proud. Maybe not perfectly, none of us are perfect, but the effort you are puting into it will bring you rich rewards. Keep it up and your children will cal you "blessed".
LOVE everything about this post! SOOO beautiful! Kinda like your whole little bloggy here- so much pretty everywhere! So glad I found it :) I'll def. be following!
Thanks for sharing, Jill. Just remember this: Gal. 6:9 "Do not grow weary while doing good, for in due season you shall reap if you do not lose heart." You can do it!
To my sweet sister, thanks for the reminder about what's really important- love you! (Have I told you that lately?)
I really enjoyed this post Jillian! Even though I am husbandless and childless, I relate more than you know...and different thoughts but of the same theme have been running through my mind and heart lately. Thank You for sharing! May you find peace in knowing what your priorities are, even if nobody else understands. Please continue to have courage...and don't forget, sometimes we have to reach out and ask for help when we are in need. I know I would help you in a blink if you just asked, but I feel in the way if I don't know how to help! Hugs to you cousin, blogging friend, sister in Christ, and old roommie!
Oh, been there, done that. I'm still there, just not with little kids. It DOES get a little easier, so hang in there!
We all just wing it, and make it up as we go. I still pray for patience and the willingness to be generous with my time. Being a mom is a tough, tough job!
Well said. Thank you!
Sis, this made me cry, I know where you are! It was very timely for me! Thank you for that! I feel like you wrote it for me, though I know it wasn't! I'm pretty sure if we were told how hard it can be at times to be a mom, wife, house keeper..etc, etc, we would probably never sign up for the job! But..., I thank the lord for the strength he gives us to be able to make it through! I can often times see him working, and I often don't give him the credit. Thanks for the post! Best one by far!
Wow Jill! I can relate completely to your thoughts that you put into words so perfectly! It is always refreshing to know a friend and peer is going through it at the same time:) There is nothing that compares to this great responsibility of being a Mother and showing my kiddies all that you listed! I cherish this life I live even in my tired worn state:) Glad to raise mine alongside yours:)
They probably also don't tell you how to love your child in a motherly way. How can you really tell someone how to love their own child?
-Zane of ontario honey
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