Okay, so the title means nothing to those who have never read the book or heard of the famous Sybil. So for those that don't know... She was a women with many different personalities. Split personalities they say. One body, many faces.
Yup, that's me.
Lately I've been thinking about my mommy face. It's not looking so great these days. A little pinched and haggard. I don't really think I feel that way, but I sure do sound that way.
You know when you leave the hospital then they give you 489 pages of discharge instructions? All of them so very helpful, but there are a few things they left out.
They never mentioned what you do when you've had no sleep and you're close to exhaustion.
They never said how you are supposed to make a child chew the food they have stored in their cheek.
What about when you are "that person" in the grocery store with the screaming child?
To teach them values and rules that are no longer popular in this world.
How to start the potty training journey.
What to do when you find them fishing in the unflushed commode?
The answers to where is God, heaven and how do you get babies in your tummy?
What to do when you are seized with an uncontrollable fear of your child getting sick or dying and sobbing in the shower where no one can hear you?
There were no answers to these questions in my discharge papers.
I'm learning them as I go.
I'm learning that being a good mom means to show them not just with words what it means to serve the Lord.
To ignore the stack of dirty dishes and laundry and jump in the pool with them instead.
To think about every word that comes out my mouth because it sounds so much different coming out of my 4 year old sons mouth.
To discipline without anger. To show them the same forgiveness and love that God shows me when I am corrected.
To lay down with them every night, read them a book, pray with them and always tell them I love them.
To love their father with all my heart.
At the end of the road if all I taught them was to love the Lord with all their heart, soul and mind then I will be satisfied. All my belongings will one day be dust, but my children will be with me in eternity if they make that choice.
That is what I'm learning.
So you wonder why I am Sybil?
Because I feel like so many different "me's" exist inside, the crafty creator, the liberated woman, the submissive woman, the loving mother, the angry mother, the good friend, the hermit crab, the dreamer, the realist.... the list goes on but at the end of the day I ask myself...
Who did I let show?
Nah, I'm really not crazy. Just honest.