I'm a trash stealer.
It's an honest occupation.
I only ever do it for very good reasons too.
Like today when I saw a perfectly good basket in our neighbors trash...
I stepped out the door and looked both ways.
Cars were coming from both directions so I stepped quickly back inside.
(Because standing on your front porch looking longingly at your neighbors trash would for sure be noticed by someone passing by at 35mph.)
When the coast was clear I stepped out again.
I had to make a dash across the street to snatch it but in my thrifty mind I had struck gold.
I didn't even bother to see what was in it.
Just grabbed and ran.
I would like to say I wasn't out of breath when I got back inside but I am that out of shape.
Only then did I set my stolen goods down and take a gander at its contents.
It was a real bird.
It was a dead bird.
It stank really bad.
Right now I am rethinking my occupation as a trash stealer.
You just can't trust people to keep their trash clean these days.
No dead birds people!!
No dead birds.